Monday, August 30, 2010

Wish she could






Her eyes filled with tears, tears of joy.
“Congratulations!!” she heard. She was thrilled, overwhelmed and nervous as well.
“But, you need to take care a lot this time, this is really precious”, said the doctor.

Yes, she had conceived after a long time, overcame a lot of perturbing situations, it surely was a precious pregnancy.
Her joy knew no bounds. She could feel her heart pumping louder than before. The heartbeats combined, though it was an initial stage, but the excitement levels never touch a low of a soon to be a mother.
Unlike her first pregnancy, she was not even advised a bed rest. She got more than she asked for. She could not stop herself from thanking God for the gift that he bestowed upon her.

She wanted to cry out loud, to tell the whole world, she has achieved something, which everyone assumed, is impossible.

She had big plans to break this news to her husband, but she decided to keep it simple.
“Let us go for a walk” she said to her husband, who returned from work early that evening.
He was tired, but could not help ignore that glow on his wife’s, otherwise dull face. Something attracted him, and he could not resist going for a stroll in the plush Lodhi Gardens.
It was a lovely evening, with orange gleam all over the sky. The clouds added to that heavenly effect and the trees in the garden sparkled with the recent spell of showers.
Everything was perfect to discuss what she had in her mind.
“Honey, I am pregnant”, she said, sitting under a dense green tree.
Her face was glowing more, the effect doubled because of the nearby street lamp. The light fell directly on her face.
He was spellbound. He did not expect such pleasant news. A feeling of contentment ran through him.
He could not speak anything. All he displayed was a big wide smile and he hugged her.
“You gave me another best gift baby”, he said.
The evening became more intense and pleasurable than before.

This was indeed a miracle, and a life was taking place inside her. Even after months, her levels of excitement never vanished. She welcomed every day with a new hope, a new development that she would experience.
She used to gaze at her ultrasound reports, and imagined how her baby would look like, lovely big eyes, a sharp nose, small but pretty fingers, was all that kept her happy and busy all day long.

She went to her job, chatted with her girl friends, told them about her plans, of how she would set up the baby’s room, how many toys she would bring or how would she manage with both her children.
She had numerous thoughts about the unborn, just like any mother to be, would have.

Days passed, and she told her baby, “You don’t know how amazing it would be to hold you in my hands, I can’t really wait to see you.”
She used to talk to her baby for hours, telling about the colours, the things, the world outside.
She believed in imparting knowledge at the earliest possible. It was probably the best way to keep her engrossed in her baby.

But life is not as beautiful and simple as it seems. Everything does not happen the way it is planned.

“But the baby is healthy, why do you want to do this?” asked the doctor.
She could not speak, she could barely cry.
If she could, she would have cried her heart out and tell the whole story.
She sat there, completely blank, in the doctor’s room for getting the abortion done.

It all started with her husband’s curiosity to know if it is a baby girl or a boy.
“Let’s go, get the sonography done.”
“But I don’t want to. I don’t want to spoil the adventure of knowing all in advance.”
“We are having it done, no matter what.” Her husband said.

She resisted, may be somewhere, she could sense something. She did all she could do, to avoid the sonography, but little she could do and here she was, with the gynaecologist, waiting for her turn to get the abortion done, after her husband got to know, it was a girl.
“I don’t want to keep a girl, abort her.”
He was rigid. She could feel he will not change his mind, no matter whatever she tried.

Her dreams shattered. She could not imagine her husband turning into an evil soul, and has made his mind to kill the baby girl of 4 months.
She could feel the indifference he showed.
“How easily you faked everything, your concern, your love for our baby. You have lost all respect, you are not a human.” She said, crying.
She was breathing heavily, unable to cope up with the decision her husband made.

“It is risky for your wife. It has been 4 months now. Are you sure you want to do this?”
Even the doctor was perturbed. It was risky as hell.
When would people change their mind, and keep the girl child happily. When would they stop discriminating between the two sexes, thought the doctor. But there was nothing she could do. It was the couple’s personal matter, after all, as the man claimed.

“Yes, we will do, please make it fast.” The man said, without paying even a slightest attention to what his wife had to say.

She cried, she begged, she was gulping down her words, as if swallowing the guilt she had, that she could not let her girl see the world.
She could feel the baby crawling inside her, asking for help, to save her.
She could feel, how the unborn baby, spread her little hands, inside her, asking her to do something.

And moments later, she did not feel anything inside her.

All Rights Reserved: Nidhi Jain (30/08/2010)

Any reproduction of the above material in any form without the prior written permission of the author would be treated as a criminal offense and a serious copyright infringement. 

Friday, August 13, 2010

LOVE @ 5





Beep Beep, I heard the alarm from another room. It was still 5 am.

“C’mon, get up baby, it is getting late” my mother said. I was still in my dream land. Oh I wish I could tell her about the dream sequence, which actually happened in reality, where he came near my desk, carefully pulled back a few strands of hair that fell on my face, and then stood frightened, as if I was going to kill him.
Oh that look in his eyes, that innocent looking face, and there he stood, staring at me.
He smiled, and, suddenly everything around me was shaking.

“Are you going to get up today?”
Great!!
That was my mother, who woke me up!

I opened my tiny little eyes, rubbed them, yawned, spread my arms, hugged my mother, and she kissed me back.
Still in the lovey-dovey mode, I happened to look at the clock.
“Oh damn, I am seriously late”. It was 6 and I wanted to run to school to see him again.

Panting, I got up, rushed to brush my teeth, took a shower.
It did not matter how late I was going to be, standing in front of the mirror and admiring herself is a girl’s most important task.
I did the same for a couple of minutes, before my mother dragged me to the school bus whose driver was incessantly honking.

“Alright, I am here, stop giving me such looks” I said to the fat driver.

We soon entered the school premises.
I ran up the floors, falling in between, to reach my classroom.

And there he was, that charming little blue eyed boy, fair like cream, brown curly hair, cute smile, everything to die for.
“And, you did not complete your home work, why is that so?” the teacher yelled at him.
He stood there, frightened, just like he was standing in my dream. But that was not the time to wander into my dream land again.
He was being scolded.
I felt like saving him from the trouble, like the saviour from the super hero movies.
After all, we were kids. He was just five, so was I, the teacher was supposed to be sweet to us. She wasn’t harsh either, but I guess, I could not see him being yelled at.

We were in 2nd grade then. Everyday in the morning, I used to comb my hair properly, to look neat and tidy, and adorable for him. I used to put on my green hair band, leaving a few strands of my hair on my forehead, so that every time he could come to me to tell me to tie my hair properly, or may be pull back my hair, himself.

He used to sit behind my desk. My girl pals knew that I was crazy for that blue eyed boy. At the age of 5, I did not know what having a crush meant. For me, something used to happen whenever I used to see him, around me, most of the times.

He happened to have this very unique feature of grabbing my attention.
And this he could do, so effortlessly. Actually, I made things simpler for him for that I liked him too.
“You know, you can never catch me, run as fast as you can.” He used to say, in our break time. I used to run after him from corridors, to classes, to playground.
“Fine, don’t come back now” I used to say. Seeing me all tired and jumpy, he used to come near me, and this apparently made things easier.
And then, we would walk back to our classrooms, together, panting, blushing, something that is difficult to describe at that age.

I knew he liked me chasing him, every time he teased me. And this happened daily.
I hated the Sundays and the holidays, for there was no ‘blue eyed boy’ around me.

I used to paint a lot, with my sketch pens, and he used to borrow them, just for the sake of starting a conversation, as if I never understood, silly boy!

“Oops!! My eraser, can u give it to me” he said, dropping his eraser mysteriously, after taking a red sketch pen.
“But, I can’t find it.”
“See there, near your left foot.” He said, as if he dropped it with all the proper directions and locations keeping in mind.
Oh yes, why not, I was waiting for you to drop it, you jerk, I thought.
This excited me, I understood, there he was, at his best again, to talk to me.
“Pick it up yourself, you do it in every 5 minutes.” I said, thinking he would be offended, and would run after me in our break time, yippee!

He wasn’t. He was in fact happy, for no reason. I still could not figure out, what for, even today.
Guys are Unpredictable!!

Anyways, on our annual function, our class teacher planned to make us dance on some random folk number. She selected the students, decided their positions, and he got the lead, and some random girl, was his partner.
C’mon, this is not possible, how can any other girl be paired opposite him, why doesn’t he say anything? I thought.
“Noooooo…I want to be the lead dancer as well, I don’t know anything, and I just want to be paired opposite him” I cried, on the top of my voice, in despair. Oh damn, what I said!
“I want to be the main dancer, not the second lead” I corrected, realising I just uttered something, I wasn’t supposed to.

“But, you dance well, and that the main dancer doesn’t have to do anything, except standing with that boy” she said.
Oh yeah, THAT boy, it’s all to do with him, I thought, but did not say anything.

The dance practice got over, the main event was over, and I loved him even more.

We exchanged glances, smiled, and smiled more. Days passed, months passed, and the things did not change between us.

And I left the school, soon after.

That innocence, that patience, that receiving and transmitting the signals, but unaware of how to interpret them, everything that we had in common is still a cherished memory today.

“I still feel, there was something magical about it.” I said.
“It was love in its purest form.” He said, after we met again, 15 years later, on a social networking site.








All Rights Reserved: Nidhi Jain (13/08/2010)

Any reproduction of the above material in any form without the prior written permission of the author would be treated as a criminal offense and a serious copyright infringement. 


Friday, July 30, 2010

साया






किसी पुरानी याद ने

आज मेरा रास्ता रोका
और हँसते हुए पूछा
कहा चल पड़ी?

मैंने कहा
नया सूरज निकला
क्या तुमने देखा?
बस उस ओर चल पड़ी

यादो की छाओं में तो बैठो
रोक कर रास्ता वो बोली
इतनी कड़ी धूप में
कितने कदम तुम चल पाओगी

कोशिशों के बाद भी ना समझी वो
कि उस साये से डर लगता है मुझे
क्यूँ ना रुक सकी मैं यादों में
कैसे उसको बताती
अँधेरे में तो परछाई भी
साथ नहीं निभाती







All Rights Reserved: Nidhi Jain (30/07/2010)

Any reproduction of the above material in any form without the prior written permission of the author would be treated as a criminal offense and a serious copyright infringement. 

Sunday, February 28, 2010

प्यारी माँ

सपनो में, खयालो में
किस्सों में, यादो में
देखा हैं तुमने मुझे
अपने हर उन लम्हों में

उन मुश्किल पलो से
निकल कर तुमने
उतारा है इस जहाँ में मुझे

खुदा का किया लाख लाख शुक्र
आँखे खोल कर जो देखा तुम्हे
उसने भेजा तुम्हारी गोद में मुझे
भेंट कर दिया, तुम्हारा ही एक हिस्सा तुम्हे

एक नन्ही सी जान को बनाया तुमने
एक नयी कहानी को जन्म दिया
तुम्हारे ही नैन नक्श है मुझमे
तुम्हारा ही तो दिल लिया

प्यार करना तुमने सिखाया
जीवन का अर्थ बताया
दुनिया में आने से पहले
सारा संसार तुमने दिखाया

परियों की कहानी सुनाई
राजा के किस्से बताये
खेल खेल में ही
दुनिया के सारे रंग दिखाए

अपने हाथो से खाना खिलाया
कितना प्यार किया
सारे घर में पकडम पकडाई हुई
एक निवाला जो मुह में ना गया

मेरे चोट लगने पर
मेरा खून निकलने पर
तुम्हारी आँखों ने जो बयान किया
वो शब्दों में तो उतर ना पाया
क्या होती है माँ
आज तक यह समझ ना आया

यह रिश्ता बड़ा अजीब है
पता नहीं कैसे बना 
इतना दुःख दिया मैंने तुझे
पर मेरी माँ
तूने सब सहा, और कुछ ना कहा

मेरी सबसे अच्छी दोस्त बनी 
मेरा मार्गदर्शन हो
हर डगर में सहारा हो तुम
मेरा अनूठा हिस्सा हो

माँ, कभी उदास ना होना
तेरी बेटी तेरे साथ है
रोना नहीं मेरी विदाई में भी
यह डोर बहुत मजबूत है

घड़ी दो घड़ी की बात नहीं यह
जीवन भर का साथ है यह
माँ, तुम हो तो सब कुछ है
नहीं तो जीवन क्या, व्यर्थ है यह






All Rights Reserved: Nidhi Jain (27/02/2010)

Any reproduction of the above material in any form without the prior written permission of the author would be treated as a criminal offense and a serious copyright infringement. 

Monday, February 22, 2010

मेरा भैया





सबकी लाडली, सबकी आँखों का तारा थी मैं
घर की पहली ख़ुशी थी मैं
पता भी न चला
घर में कब एक और ख़ुशी छा गयी
तुम्हारे आते ही
एक नयी लहर आ गयी

गर्मियों की छुट्टिया होते ही
मेरा नानी के घर आ जाना
और नाना, मामा का कहना
बेटा, मोटे हो कर ही जाना

सुबह सुबह उठना
मामा का तुम्हे ब्रुश करना
और तुम्हारा छत पर खड़े हो कर
छोटे छोटे हाथो से ब्रुश को सम्हालना

चिलचिलाती धूप में
हैंडपंप का पानी फेलाना
फिर अपने पैरो से
सारे आँगन में छाप छोडना

बड़ी नानी के जामुन के पेड़ से
हर रोज़ जामुन तोडना
और गुड्माला आंटी के आते ही
इधर उधर छिप जाना

हरी नगर की छोटी सी रसोई में
मेरा हम दोनों के लिए maggi बनाना
और ज्यादा मैं लूंगी
इस बात पर नाराज़ हो जाना

रक्षाबंधन पर तुम्हे राखी बंधना
और भेंट मिलने की लालसा रखना
टीका लगवाते हुए हर समय तुम्हारा नाटक करना
और मेरा रूठ जाना
फिर तुम्हारा प्यार से मनाना
और नाक पर भी टीका लगवाना

तुम्हारा जब भी मार्केट जाना
हमेशा दो-दो चीज़े लाना
और आते ही यह कहना
एक मेरा, एक तुम्हारा, प्यारी बहना

तुम्हारे बालो का हमेशा तुम्हारे माथे पर रहना
और मेरा बार बार उन्हें पीछे करना
इस बात पर तुम्हारा झलान्ना
फिर भी मेरा हिम्मत न हारना

अपना घर छोड़ कर
मेरा सारा दिन तुम्हारे पास रहना
और घंटो घंटो तक
मारियो का विडियो गेम खेलना

हर साल, मेरे जन्मदिन पर
तुम्हारा एक कार्ड मिलना
और मेरा हमेशा ललायित होकर
तुम्हारा दिया हुआ गिफ्ट देखना

बिना बात के लड़ना
और एक दुसरे के बिना रह भी न पाना
शायद यही होता है भाई बहेन का रिश्ता
दूर रह कर भी, एक होना

आज भी याद आती है
उन कभी न वापिस आने वालो दिनों की
दिल को छू जाती है
वो बातें उन अनमोल पलो की
काश तुम दूर न जाते इतना
ताकि समेट कर रख पाती 
वो सहजता उन खिलखिलाहटो की







All Rights Reserved: Nidhi Jain (21/02/2010)

Any reproduction of the above material in any form without the prior written permission of the author would be treated as a criminal offense and a serious copyright infringement.